Reality Check...literally...is it there?

So I haven’t updated my blog in quite a long time. My bad. I am writing this while I sit in class. I have pondered why I came to Southeastern in the first place. I left Christopher Newport University because I am looking for something. I am still searching for it. I am looking for answers to this crazy thing called life. I guess I came here to try and find some answers to why I believe what I believe. But I am beginning to think I came to the wrong place. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great school, the professors know their stuff. But I think I am looking for something besides what they offer in classes. I know I have faith, I know I am a Christian, but why is this the correct way? I mean I know it is correct, but my head doesn’t co-inside with my heart. I look at people around me here and I do not see any parts of myself in them. Some of them hang on every word of their professors, but I am so skeptical. I do not doubt God, I guess I doubt myself.

            That feels like the harder thing to doubt. Or at least, it makes me feel worse. I doubt myself in a lot of areas in my life, and it makes things hard sometimes. I don’t know if it is the same as self confidence, but it is probably close. I doubt a lot of my abilitys, but is this bad? I mean according to Descartes, this makes me know I am alive. Because of my doubt I know I exist. What an amazing statement. Cogito Ergo Sum. I think therefore, I am. Because I am writing this blog you all who read this know I exist.

            I like philosophical things like that. Reality is a crazy thing, I love trying to understand it. But if I close my eyes, will it all go away?

This Sucks...

I mean I know it has been 2 months or so since it happened...but can I just say how much it sucks that Heath Ledger died. I am sitting here watching The Patriot and he is a freakin awesome actor. 

He really didn't have to many movies under his belt considering how long he had been acting, but it still feels like an awesome person died really early.

I know I am going to be at The Dark Knight on the first day to support him. He was an awesome guy.

The Monotony of Routine OR WHy restaurants are Werid Places

I am sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Williamsburg at 1230 in the afternoon while my gal is in class. I love not having classes on fridays. I am on my macbook and listening to music watching all the students and tourists come and go. It is actually kind of amazing how so many people can come and go without ever stopping to interact with one another. It bottles my mind (yes bottles...like things are so crazy your thoughts are trapped in a bottle) how obsessed people can become with the routine of everyday life. People want everything on the fly and they don't care what the cost. I was cut in line when I got here by a lady and her daughter, they thought they needed their lunch at such a speed that I was not even in their minds. But at the same time it is not something one should get worked up over. 

I think that is true about alot of things about life. People honk the horns of their cars at me when I am moving to slow in the fast lane. Don't worry, your latte at Starbucks will be there when you get there. There is no need to almost run me off the road to get to it faster. But there is no need for me to get pissed and almost cause an accident. Life is way to fragile and beautiful to worry about stuff like that.

I wonder if those people even know that they are alive, or if they are so consumed with their schedules that they forget to live. A man much smarter than me once said that "the Journey is what matters, not the destination." The end will come, don't you worry, but the journey is what really builds character and makes a person a living, breathing human being.

If we constantly run through life we forget to experience it. And that can be the greatest tragedy of our time. 

And seriously...Restaurants? I have never understood them. We pay people to fix our food. we OVERPAY people to fix food for us. I am pretty sure i can make the exact thing at home without having to pay anyone...i simply have to buy the ingredients. What makes a sandwich from Panera so much better than the one I can fix at my house for so much less? Again, Mind Bottleing.

"Slow down everyone, you're moving to fast. Frames cant catch you when you're moving like that"-Jack Johnson

life is a sucker punch sometimes

I mean seriosuly...do you ever feel like life lands a right hook to your jaw? I mean I feel like sometimes i need to wear a mouth guard when I am having conversations. As far as I am concerned life is winning the fight, and there is nothing you can do about it. 

"Depression does not come from being weary of pain, it comes from being weary of pleasure"-G.K. Chesterton

Semi pro athletes or Giving amateurs a chance.

So I was watching the masters opening this morning, and they had arnold palmer hit the opening shot. Which got me thinking...alot of sports do this "special player" opening. In baseball they have famous people throw the first pitch etc, etc. 

I think it would be hilarious if they let the NFL do this. Get a famous person to do the opening kickoff but they have to play the play. Like if it comes down to it they would have to make the tackle. I would love to see some actor that loves the Titans suit up and play.

oh oh oh oh OR The Right Stuff.

New Kids on The Block are doing a reunion tour and album...dreams do come true.

No experience Necessary to Live OR Check your Life at the Door.

When I was growing up I would hear a lot of people tell me about their mistakes, in order to try and prevent me from making them. I found that no matter how hard they tried, i would always make the mistake in the end.  But I do not think this is necessarily a bad thing. 

Mistakes are one of the best learning and growing tools in the world. If we always did everything perfectly life would be pretty boring in my opinion. 

But I want to try and take this a step further. What happened to the idea of college and university that I had growing up? I wanted to go to college to learn who i was, not to be told who I am.  I know it is a cliche to say, but it does seem like we pay $80,000 for a handshake and a piece of paper saying we are proficient in some field. Some field that is practical. But what I want is a degree that says I am proficient in an ideological field. I want to be asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?", except on a level that is useful to a 21 year old. Why can't I get a degree in something I am interested in and still have it lead to a good job?

I think that we should be able to live for ourselves. I want to think for myself. I no longer want people to tell me how to think and feel in different situations. I don't want to read self-help books. It seems we check our individuality at the door when we sign up for life. We conform to a dimension that society wants us to. What happened to free thinkers? I want to make mistakes and get hurt, and then grow because of it. 

I want to have my own experiences, and try to understand yours as well. Shake hands and meet different people who don't see eye to eye with me, and try to understand the context of their lives instead of being self absorbed in my own.

Yes I know this post was scattered in thought, and probably a little hard to follow. But get what you can out of it.  Ill see ya.

-B

Left or Right OR Just Understand.

It is always so late/early when I think of these things. But oh well, it seems to be when my mind is most clear and ready to try and jot things down onto paper....errr...online journal.

Earlier today I began to think about choice. I went out to the refrigerator in my garage looking for a soda. Not just any soda mind you, but a cherry coke. I was jonesing for one. When i got there I found we actually dint have any Cherry Coke, so i started to settle for a regular coke. But I stopped and thought about it for a second. Then put it back deciding I really didnt need to drink a soda in the first place. 

But why is that odd? Well it got me thinking about choices we make. Every day we make hundreds of choices big choices like where to go to school, who to date, etc. etc. And we also make smaller ones like banana slurpee or coke slurpee. (Pick banana every time or we will have a problem). But what is choice? Two options are placed in front of us, and we choose the one we see as the best fit for the particular situation. 

But is that all or does it go deeper than that? What if all of our choices are already made, and we are simply living them out? God knew if I was going to have a soda today, before i ever woke up this morning. How is that my choice then? But what if this is different? What if humans ultimately don't have choice? I think we do have something to help us with this through. We have reason and understanding.

I think that our choices are already made. We cannot ultimately change the courses of our lives, but we don't know how they are going to turn out. The choices we make today will effect the outcome of tomorrow. But I think there is a more pressing issue with choice, and that is the need to truly understand out choices. In the end the future is not up to us, there is a plan set in motion. We just have to try and understand that plan. If I am sitting at a table eating and I decide I may want some salt on my food, God already knows if I use the salt shaker. It is not my job to try and make that choice. It IS my job however to understand why I am committing this action, not to just blindly step into it. I think that if we as humans can begin to understand choices as opposed to just blindly making them, then we would really be in for a jump in human reason.

the best medicine or till you pee your pants.

sometimes you just gotta laugh.

living forward or living backwards

I had a thought. I got to thinking to day about memory, and how strange the past feels in the present. What makes memory such a tangible thing? Think about a vivid memory. Can you still taste it, smell it, or feel the emotions you had attached to it? I can. 

I wonder why we are engrained with memories. Why they stick with us for as long as they do. I look at events and situations in my life and wonder how i got here from there. When things happened and you thought that it was the best thing that ever happened, but yet they always end. I am not complaining, it is necessary for things to come to an end. It is the natural created order of things. Everything that happens, happens in the direction of an end. We can try to alter our paths in life, but regardless we will end up in the same place and wonder where the time went. 

So why not instead of dreaming of going to the past, you try to make the future better? Why not focus on the here and now. There is no such thing as an ordinary moment, there is always something going on. Find it, seek it out, drink it up. Make today the best day of your life. Because no one should regret anything. Find the little nuggets of joy in your life and exploit them. I am eating a pint of ice cream right now(no homo) because it is what I want most in the world. In 3 days I will get to kiss my girlfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. And I am going to take that moment and run with it. So live it up, because we are never guaranteed tomorrow. 

-B

"This is the dance for all the lovers, takin a chance for one another. Finally its our time now. These are times we'll remember, breakin the city sigh together. Finally it's our time now."

-Plain White Tees